5 December 2011

We’re now in the Hebrew month of Kislev. As I sit to write this newsletter, I’m wondering which of the many meaningful themes of the month to highlight here- illumination of the dark, miracles, Jewish identity, or the dichotomy of reality vs. possibility. Each of these themes is so rich; each is worthy of attention and exploration. Using Focusing to explore any one of these in depth can be rewarding, often in surprising ways.

Interested in delving into several of these themes for yourself, within a safe and supportive group setting? Or perhaps you’re ready to learn Focusing for yourself. Please write for information about upcoming Workshops and Focusing Basics trainings.

The color associated with the month of Kislev is blue-violet.

Exploring the healing power of darkness and light

In honor of the upcoming holiday of Chanukah (which begins in about 2 weeks, on the evening of 20 Dec. this year) I’d like to explore how using Focusing to explore the darkness within can result in illumination, healing and growth.

In our culture the norm seems to be to want to banish whatever might be perceived as “dark” in our lives. Many times clients have expressed a desire to get rid of personality traits or behaviors that they feel are not acceptable, or even harmful to themselves or others.

How many time have you, upon noticing physical or emotional pain, decided to “breathe into it,” believing that this action will help to drive away the unwanted feeling?

While this response might help in the short-term, the results tend to be short-lived if they are effective at all.

What might we do instead? According to Carl Jung, “one does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

An interesting thought, to make the darkness conscious. I love this idea. It reminds me of one of the first evenings following a day of training in my final training for certification as a Focusing
trainer back in the fall of 1995. The training was in a suburb of Chicago on a campus with minimal night lighting.

A fellow trainee and I were out for a walk on a particularly cold,dark evening when we came upon a large, interesting looking building on the campus. She suggested that we go in to take a look. I felt nervous about the prospect of doing this. Exploring in the dark was not in the realm of comfortable activities for me.

When she, a resident of rural Alaska, remarked that there were not likely to be bears or moose in the building, I quickly gained a new perspective that appeased my apprehension. Off we went to explore. I was rewarded by feeling empowered, stronger, and more self-confident than I had before.

What about dark places within us? Those places that hold fears or hurts or even rage that we’ve worked hard to keep buried for years, sometimes even decades. Our own personal Pandora’s boxes. The idea that exploring these places within us might not only be healing, but actually also be illuminating and empowering might seem counter-intuitive. And yet this is exactly the experience that I’ve been privileged to observe in hundreds of sessions with clients and students.

An essential “ingredient” to bring along on an exploration of our inner dark places is an open heart, along with an attitude of acceptance, curiosity, patience, gentleness and warmth. Also helpful is to hold the perspective that whatever we might find within, however distasteful, scary, socially unacceptable or uncomfortable it might be, actually has a good reason for feeling as it does.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Carl Rogers

My wish for you is that you be able to shine the warm light of your heart and soul on whatever dark places within you that might be longing for your attention, and that by so doing you become more integrated, more whole, more at peace with yourself and with the world.

One more thought

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.

Martha Graham

Some quotes for the season

It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.    Confucius

The beat of my heart had grown deeper, more active, and yet more peaceful, and it was as if I were all the time storing up inner riches. My [life] is one long sequence of inner miracles.    Etty Hillesum  (Holocaust survivor)

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other other is as though everything is a miracle.    Albert Einstein

If you don’t know what your passion is, realize that one reason for your existence on earth is to find out.    Oprah Winfrey

We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.    Ralph Waldo Emerson

About the photos

All of the photos were taken by the author.

The blue-violet flowers were on the Bridge of Flowers in Shelburne Falls, MA, USA.

The fuchsia and green leaves were in the Jerusalem Botanical Garden a few weeks earlier on a rainy Friday morning.

The photo of the Chanuka menora (on my porch) was taken shortly after the candles were lit on an evening after returning from a workshop on photographing menoras.