By Ruth Hirsch MSW, MPH, CMT
The Focusing Connection, September, 2003

Focusing has been invaluable to me in coping with transitions. I have also been privileged to accompany several of my clients and students through major transitions in their lives with the assistance of Focusing. Through Focusing, my life has changed in ways that I could never have imagined

In the past I spent a great amount of time and energy agonizing over the pros and cons of a particular decision, before and even after making it. By Focusing I am able to connect with a far deeper level of knowing than I was ever able to do in the past through analytical thinking alone. This has enabled me to make changes in my life with a level of confidence that I never had, and to trust my decisions in a way that I never did before. No longer do I expend energy in questioning the rightness of decisions made in this way. This enables me to make changes that I previously might not have made, and to do so with more confidence and peace.

What is transition? One definition is “a process or period in which something undergoes a change and passes from one state, stage, form, or activity to another.” It is clear that we are all undergoing some sort of transition at most times in our lives.

For me, personally, the past nine years have been, above all, about transition. The first several years of this period included a number of involuntary transitions, including the deaths of several close family members. In the recent past, most of the transitions in my life were the result of conscious choices. These were in large part facilitated by Focusing.

In the past year alone I moved out of my home/office of eleven years, left the city that I’d lived in for eighteen years to move to a different continent, with a different language (even a different alphabet!), as well as a very different culture. I left beautiful, relatively calm northern California to live in the holy, and presently not so peaceful city of Jerusalem. Focusing gave both the enhanced clarity and the courage to make the changes that I did. It helped me to feel that the changes that I made were the right ones for me, and to benefit more from these choices. Without Focusing I do not believe that I would have even made my first visit to Israel, let alone have picked up and moved here. And it is hard to imagine how I would have been able to approach staying present to life in general here, and to the specific changes in my own life, without Focusing

My move to Israel may perhaps be the most profound example to date in my life of using Focusing to make a decision to make a major transition, and then, afterwards, to deal with the ramifications of the decision. I have faced incredulity of many people, both in the U.S. and in Israel when they learn that I chose to move here at this time, as the current Intifada was beginning its third year, the economy is suffering tremendously, and there is a strong possibility of an unconventional weapons attack by Iraq.

My decision was based in large part, on a very brief piece of advice given to me many years ago. While I was still a Focusing trainee attending one of Ann’s summer Focusing camps, Carol Bellin, one of the teachers there, made a statement that at the time resonated deeply for me, and continues to resonate for me to this day. She shared that when she listened to the felt sense she could never go wrong- and when she didn’t listen, she felt that she could not “go right”.

It was the reliance on this basic guideline that allowed me to make the decision to visit Israel for the first time three years ago, and then to move here as a new immigrant in the Fall of 2002. In the nine years since I first heard these words I have based countless choices in this way. These words of wisdom epitomize the essence of Focusing and transition for me.

A CLOSER LOOK AT FOCUSING AND ITS ROLE IN TRANSITION

At this point in world history, change seems to be happening at a greater pace than it has in the past. Even desirable transitions have been shown to be high on the stress index. Change, all would probably agree, is stressful. So how can Focusing help?

In my experience, there are four basic qualities of attention that are invaluable to the success of Focusing. These include patience, spaciousness, compassion, and trust. Both when one is a beginning Focuser, and also later, in situations of greater stress and challenge, it is easy to forget to really “be with” challenging feelings or senses. In our goal-oriented cultures we may need to remind ourselves that there is vast healing and growth potential simply in being present in a compassionate way with whatever might arise within ourselves.

Each of these four qualities is enhanced through the process of Focusing. The more that one Focuses, the more that one trusts the process. With increased trust the ability to be patient and to maintain an attitude of spaciousness with the inner experience are also enhanced. Compassion takes the most conscious effort for those of us raised in the west to develop. Though it is quite possible for the Focuser to hold these attitudes while Focusing alone, they are clearly further enhanced by having the support of a Focusing Listener accompanying one during one’s Focusing time.

Following is an example of a Focusing on Transition session. This session occurred when I was back in California to sell my car and arrange shipment of my things to Israel.

As I came inside I became aware of something that felt like a critical voice: Why did you keep so many things, so much stuff?

Then, when I brought my awareness down into my body I felt a sense of stillness and peace.

When I sat with that I began to be aware of and to feel two places: Excitement in my chest about going HOME, and a rightness to what I’d been doing.

In my stomach I felt a kind of burning. As I sat with the burning I began to sense something saying “I’m not ready to let go.” It was not ready to let go of my life in Berkeley. I then thought, “there must be something I need to do, some kind of ceremony, or ritual.”

Then I realized I need to just be with the burning place. In it I could sense that something was needed even though I didn’t know what. As I acknowledged that much, I began to get a sense of familiarity. How precious it is to have so much that is familiar. So many places, so many people. The English language. The culture.

Then I realized that I need to appreciate all of this. I had the image of opening my arms, saying “yes, it is wonderful.” And what I am going to is even more wonderful.

There were tears of sadness as I realized that in the past I’d often made transitions by forcing myself to think about all the things I didn’t like about the place or person I was leaving. This felt much better.

Simply being with what is present in a compassionate, non-judgmental way can bring relief from tension, peace, regardless of the intensity or the root of the feelings that one holds. Often, the discovery and acknowledgement of these feelings may be sufficient. There are times when it is appropriate to employ Focusing primarily to ‘relieve stress’ and “return to the usual functioning’, and other times in which it may be more appropriate, and growth enhancing, to allow the energies of the stress to move or transition into a more full state of being, into the next step for them. Focusing may be used to check the rightness of whether it is appropriate to stay at the level of coping, or to move into transition.

However, especially when people are in a challenging time of transition, it can be difficult for them to hold their focus, to stay with the intention of the Focusing session. It is as if something in us seems to slide away from the painful or the unknown.

Focusing can be even more helpful during a transition if we’re aware of our intention. Focusing on transition is not just following whatever arises. Rather it is holding the intention to really hear at a deep level what is true. This can be facilitated by offering questions inside, such as

How does the idea of such change feel to the rest of me?
What is true?
What is the essence, at a deep level?

Asking these questions within the context of Focusing often generates quite different responses than would arise from our conscious mind alone. In such situations, Focusing facilitates a process of helping us to grow closer to our true center, rather than to the comfort spot that may have previously felt like our “center”.

HOW FOCUSING CAN HELP

The very essence of Focusing can be crucial in helping to navigate life’s transitions. By being able to respectfully listen within, with care and compassion, those different aspects of ourselves that may not have had the courage to show themselves to us before can now be heard and appreciated.

We human beings go through all sorts of transition in our lives, beginning with birth, when we come into this world, and ending with death with so many changes in between. Focusing can play a valuable role with all of these.

I hope that this article has shed some light on the many ways in which Focusing can play a major role in providing clarity, comfort, and peace before, during, and after the transitions that we face in our lives, and has provided the incentive to be even a bit more patient, compassionate, spacious, and trusting with whatever it is inside that longs to be listened to in a respectful, caring manner.

In addition to navigating life’s various transitions, Ruth Hirsch MSW, MPH, CMT offers training and private sessions in both Focusing and Conscious Touch, both in Israel and internationally. Ruth welcomes any comments and questions that you might have. 972-2-563-0999 or  1.510.868.0885  www.ruthhirsch.com