By Ruth Hirsch and Daniel Sopher

Published in Connections Magazine, July, 2013

The premise of our last series of articles was that if any of five primary aspects of our lives – family, community, body, soul and finances – are out of balance, our lives are out of balance. We discussed how to bring more balance into our lives through awareness and respect of loved ones and those in our greater communities, and through our relationship with our bodies, our spirituality, and our finances.

In this article we will address one of the most important factors in actually creating a happy and balanced life: time management. Time is one of our most important commodities. Managed well, we have the possibility of creating fulfilling lives. When time is not well managed we often feel stressed, and are not able to achieve as much as we might like.

We often hear friends, or we ourselves say that there isn’t enough time. We’re all aware that we each get the same 24 hours a day. Nevertheless, for some, these 24 hours can feel like not nearly enough time to do all that we’d like to do in our lives, while others have more time on their hands than they know what do with. Likewise, some people are able to accomplish an amazing amount in their 24 hours while others achieve very little.

While many feel that they don’t have choices regarding how their time is allotted, this simply is not true. It is important to realize that we each have the power to decide how to spend our time.

Consider the following examples:

A father goes to work, comes home feeling exhausted, and then sits in front of the television until he falls asleep.

A mom might wait until she puts the kids to sleep before making lunches for the next day.

Another mom might turn the activity of lunch-making into a fun project for everyone and then after the kids go to sleep, she might have quality time for herself.

Each of these people has made a choice in how to spend their time. Whether or not the decision is a conscious one, it is important to realize that we do indeed have the power to make choices about how we allocate time.

Some still might disagree with this statement, claiming that it doesn’t apply to them; that they really do not have choices in this area. We invite you to consider what you mean by this.

Let’s look at an example. For instance, are you someone who says that you don’t have time for exercise? Perhaps there are other reasons why exercise is not something that you choose to do with your time. Could it be that something in you does not wish to find the time? Or perhaps that to rearrange your priorities might be something you feel unwilling to do at this time?

We can create lives of much less stress when we can be honest with ourselves about our motives. Moreover, when we are able to recognize that we have choices in how we spend our time, we can then experience much more freedom and possibility in our lives. We can prioritize how we wish to spend our time, and actively organize the time that we have. In general, we can take back control of our lives.

Sometimes we need to invest time, in order to create more time. One approach that some find helpful is to donate some of their time. Simply by volunteering time to help others, you will learn how to make time. While giving to others is a mitzva, you will also most likely find yourself to be rewarded in ways you might never have expected.

Others of us work hard in order to get to the point where we might work less, and enjoy our families more. Yet sometimes we lose sight of our goals and end up working so hard that we deprive ourselves of the important things in life.

Are you someone who feels it’s more important to work long hours so that you and your family might be able to purchase the latest gadgets and devices, and in general “improve your lifestyle?” If so, we invite you to consider the following parable which nicely illustrates the importance of knowing what your priorities are, and how one person’s definition of success might be very different from another’s.

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.

“You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman, “you should be working rather than lying on the beach!” The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?”

“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer.

“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling.

The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!” “And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again.

The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.

“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman.

The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”

Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?”

The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”

We invite you to write to let us know time management ideas that work for you. Since these might be helpful to others, we’ll share them in a future issue of Connections.

This article was written by Daniel Sopher and Ruth Hirsch MSW, MPH. Daniel is a motivational speaker who has lectured at several yeshivas and seminaries and runs a workshop twice a year. Ruth is a Focusing-oriented psychotherapist and workshop leader who works with women who are strongly motivated and committed to personal and professional growth.

Questions or comments? Contact them at dasopher@gmail.com and www.ruthhirsch.com.